The first eight years of my son’s life were filled to the brim (or close to it) with books. Board books, picture books, even reference books… our daily reading time was special, or at the very least, grounding.
But once he started school, something changed. The once life-giving books became work. In other words, books went from enjoyable to frustrating. Because despite all of our efforts, he just wasn’t able to read the words on the page.
Sound familiar?
When Reading Turns Into a Daily Battle
Whether your child grew up with a book-filled childhood is beside the point. (It’s never too late, after all, to become a reader and it’s certainly never too late to discover a newfound love of books.)
Where it gets hard is when your smart, capable kiddo reaches third grade (or sixth) and they’re expected to read longer, harder passages with longer, harder words. And if they’ve missed even just a few key building blocks along the way, school (and life) ends up becoming a much longer, harder struggle than either of you expected.
Intuitively, we all know that the way we get better at anything is by practicing. What is not quite so intuitive: How to put in the practice time you know they need without a huge meltdown or without them hating reading more than they say they already do. Don’t worry, friend. All of us with a struggling or reluctant reader have been there.
You remind them to do their 30 minutes of reading. They’ve got a ready-to-go list of reasons why now is NOT the time.
You encourage and cheer and offer every ounce of positivity you’ve got. They shutdown or meltdown (or both) anyway.
You push and insist and tell them how important this is and that sometimes in life we have to do things we don’t want to. They resist and fight back. You either relent or refuse. Either way, it’s miserable for everyone.
And the whole tortuous thing plays out every night like clockwork. Even when you’re trying SO hard to help them. And if you’ve ever looked at your frustrated kiddo and thought to yourself: “There has got to be a better way,” you’re not the only one. But I’ve got good news for you: There is a better way.
How to Spark Motivation for Your Reluctant Reader
We can’t head to the pantry and pull out a dose of motivation before handing our reluctant readers a book. But there are a few things we can give them that make reading a little less overwhelming and a whole lot more doable.
And when that happens, motivation often comes right along with it. We can give them a partner, real progress, and a purpose that makes all this hard work feel worth the effort.
1. Partner With Your Child Before You Try to Fix Anything
We, as parents, often take one of two forks in the road when our kids start digging in their heels with reading. Admittedly, I’ve tried both.
Approach #1: We refuse to budge and in turn, attempt to dig in our own two heels even harder than our kids. We determine to double down and throw out phrases like: It’s for your own good. I won’t take no for an answer. You need to do it whether you want to or not. We may even pour on some incentives or rewards, for good measure.
Ultimately, we give our kids one and only option: Do it. Which usually only sparks more resistance, or at best, a half-hearted effort, just enough to appease us.
Approach #2: We let it go. We shrug our shoulders and tell ourselves that they’ll read when they’re ready. Oh well, it will all click eventually… or at least they’ll realize they need it and finally be ready to willingly work at it. We’ll be glad for the lack of arguments and that the relationship with our kiddo is intact. Ultimately, we trade progress for peace. And movement forward comes to a sorry standstill.
Now, this isn’t the time to kick ourselves or load on the guilt. As I said, I’ve tried on each of these approaches plenty. Because we know they need to become a strong reader, after all. And what’s a concerned and dedicated parent to do?!
But what most of us don’t realize is that resistance is rarely a behavior issue. It’s actually a clue. One that we will easily miss if we’re too busy trying to deal with this resistance that’s just unacceptable.
But what if starting today, instead of trying to fix it or fight it, we tried to understand it? And so I offer a third option…
Approach #3: We team up with our kids. We close the distance and come right up alongside them. Instead of jumping straight to solutions, we’re curious and open with questions like: I can tell this feels hard. What about this feels the most frustrating? Will you help me understand what you’re thinking right now?
And then we listen.
Not so we can talk them out of how they’re feeling, but so we can understand what they’re trying to tell us. Because really when it comes down to it, we both want the same thing. They want to be a strong, confident reader, just like YOU want them to be a strong, confident reader. No one wants to struggle, especially with something that affects so much of everyday life.
When our kids know we’re on their side, it’s so much easier for them to let us in. When our kids feel seen, understood, and partnered with, they’re much more likely to believe we’re there to help—not just to make them read. A fresh start goes such a long way. And feeling like their parent sees them, hears them, and is willing to understand where they’re coming from goes even further.
What you can do today
Rather than:
- Trying to fix it
- Fighting the resistance
- Assuming your child just needs more motivation
Do this instead:
- Ask what’s making reading feel hard today.
- Listen before you problem-solve.
- Let your child know you’re on their side and that you’ll work through this together.
2. Turn Practice Into Progress They Can Actually Feel
And once we stop spending all our energy fighting the resistance or trying to fix it, it’s so much easier to start seeing what’s actually happening. Which begs the question: What’s actually making reading so hard?
When effort seems to vanish into thin air, it’s easy to think, “They just need to try harder.” But if your child is in 4th, 5th, or 6th grade and consistently resisting reading, chances are this isn’t a motivation problem at all. It’s a skill problem.
Don’t get me wrong. There will always be times when our kids push back on reading homework (or anything really) because they’re actually just hungry or tired or feeling rushed or not happy to be leaving something fun.
I call those life reasons. And if we take the time to listen enough to understand them, they’re an easy fix. We give them a snack, give them time to unwind after school…
But if your child has reached upper elementary and is still consistently super resistant to reading, it almost always is a skill reason.
When we put a book in front of our struggling readers and ask them to read, it’s like sitting them down in front of a 100 piece puzzle, and expecting them to complete it, with only 40 of the pieces.
No matter how hard they try, no matter how much patience we give them, or how much we encourage or insist that they put that puzzle together, they won’t ever be able to. It’s just not possible… until they have all the pieces.
When our kids avoid reading at all costs or have a total meltdown when we remind them to read for 30 minutes, what they’re really saying is: I don’t understand this. I can’t do this.
Honestly, if I were asked to do something every day that felt confusing and I never got better at it, I’d resist too.
The truth is: It’s not that “they won’t read” it’s that “they struggle to read.” Which is a different problem entirely.
The best thing we can give them: Progress.
Our struggling readers have been at this learning-to-read thing a long time. They’ve done all the things and reading is still hard. And up to this point, none of it has helped. Practicing feels pointless. No wonder they resist.
Your child doesn’t have to love reading. But they do need to believe it’s possible. And that doesn’t come from us reminding them to “keep trying.” It comes from experiencing success. Every time they figure out a word they couldn’t read before and every time reading feels just a little easier, they’re not just building reading skills. They’re building confidence.
That’s why it’s so important to make sure the things we’re doing each day are actually building a strong reading foundation instead of accidentally piling on more frustration and failure. And they need to be simple enough that we can stick with them long enough to see real progress. In short, we need to make learning happen—and make it as effortless as possible.
Inside Truly Reading Club, this is exactly what we help families do. We give you a simple plan and just a few essential tools to turn 20 minutes a day into meaningful reading progress.
What you can do today
Rather than:
- Assuming they just need to “try harder”
- Reminding them to focus
- Hoping they’ll just “get it”
Do this instead:
- Shift your goal from putting in the required reading minutes to building actual reading skills
- Do this Quick and Easy Reading Check to notice patterns (guessing words, skipping, struggling with longer words)
3. Give Them a Reason to Keep Going
Learning something difficult is a whole lot easier when there’s something on the other side worth reaching for.
In school, History was never my thing. In fact, you could safely say I despised the subject entirely. I wasn’t good at it. I didn’t care about it. And I had no idea why it mattered or how it helped me.
Maybe you can think back to something that left you feeling the same way?
On the other hand, how about something you recently went looking to learn? Maybe a new dessert you wanted to learn how to make or a gardening project you wanted to grow or maybe it’s what you’re doing right now. You’re on a quest to figure out how to help turn reading around for your struggling reader.
You’re interested. You’re invested. And despite it being hard work, you’re ready to put in the time and effort needed, if it’s the last thing you do!
In short, you’ve got a reason that matters to you. The difference isn’t that one is easy and one is hard. They both take a truckload of effort. The difference is that with one you have a purpose that helps you stick with it, despite it being hard work.
What’s super convenient about reading is that it’s everywhere! Which means meaning and value – the reason that matters – is built right in. Especially if our kids are in 4th, 5th, or 6th grade they’re handed science worksheets full of instructions to read. Their math page is full of paragraphs in the form of word problems. They sit in front of a computer and tablet with screen after screen of prompts and directions. They watch their classmates finishing assignments quicker.
They know that reading matters. They already know that life is easier when reading is easier. They don’t need much convincing that reading skills are useful.
What our older struggling and reluctant readers need to be convinced of is that the work they’re putting in will actually help (see #2 above) and that there’s something here in this world of reading that’s worth the work.
They need an interest that will carry them through the difficulty and a connection that makes it feel especially meaningful for them. We can do this for our kids with just a little bit of intention and a library card. Maybe it’s a fantasy series they can’t wait to keep listening to. Maybe it’s learning everything there is to know about sharks. Maybe it’s a mystery they beg to hear one more chapter of before bed. Whatever it is, we want to help them fall in love with stories before reading is easy enough for them to enjoy independently.
Purpose doesn’t necessarily make learning easy. But it gives us a drive and willingness to put in the effort. To stick with something, even if it feels hard.
What you can do today
Rather than:
- Pushing harder
- Adding more reading time
Do this instead:
- Choose an audiobook they’ll be interested in
- Let them draw, build, or fidget while listening
- Skip the quizzes and comprehension questions
- Keep it short (10 to 15 minutes is plenty) and stop while they’re still engaged
But What If They Still Push Back?
A word of warning: Even after giving your child a partner (you!), a taste of progress, and a genuine purpose to hold onto, you still might wind up face to face with a resistant and very reluctant reader.
This is when it’s helpful to remember that reading is hard. (Your struggling reader is proof of that.) But our kids aren’t struggling because they’re lazy or not smart enough or motivated enough. And our kids aren’t struggling because we aren’t good enough to help them or aren’t putting in enough effort. Our struggling readers just haven’t been given the right things that will finally make reading click for them.
When your child says, “I hate reading,” take it as a clue. They’re not asking for more pressure. They’re telling you they need something different.
Here’s where to start:
- Connect with your child.
- Build the skills that make reading easier.
- Fill their life with books worth reading.
Those three simple shifts won’t erase every hard day overnight, but they will start making reading feel easier. And when reading starts to feel easier, motivation has a way of showing up all on its own.
Tiny steps really do lead to big progress.
Your Next Step Toward Easier Reading
If you’re looking for a simple way to put these things into practice, then you’ll feel right at home inside the Truly Reading Club!
Inside, you’ll find:
- A clear, doable plan so you’re never guessing what to do next — not fixing, just partnering up with your kiddo.
- Short, effective lessons that fill in the missing pieces (no more reading meltdowns or battles anymore!).
- Screen-free practice games that make progress feel like something to actually enjoy, not dread.
- Support from me every step of the way, so you’re never figuring this out alone. Can’t wait to meet you!
And the Starter Pass makes it super easy to get going — starting with a 2-Minute reading assessment (this one’s with results and suggestions from me personally), so you’ll have an idea of where your child is at and what to focus on as you begin. Then a full week of real lessons and practice games, all for $37 — so you both can start seeing progress right away.
Because motivation isn’t what gets struggling readers started. Progress is.
Keep going, friend. You’ve got this.
Truly,
Anne